crayonmonster

i miss this

2011-11-13T19:32:00.001+08:00

5th year has been strange. Haven't really seen my friends. Feels like everyone is drifting apart. Seeing all these old blog posts makes me kinda sad.

moving on

2010-11-21T10:32:00.002+08:00

I've moved to tumblr cos its is way easier to upload pictures there.

Don't really know what I will do with this blog and I don't have the heart to delete this.

Anyways its nadeia.tumblr.com

H&M

2010-09-26T12:37:00.002+08:00

How about these Syaz..

(its less than $100)

and just cos its cute & $25

bimbo post

2010-08-14T21:21:00.002+08:00

I like:

Coach Patent Leather Sabrina Plum

-not super keen on this colour, yes they have this in a million colours & materials; but its just so pretty :)

Not that it matters, at RM1500 I am 99% sure I will never buy one.

1% is on the off chance that one falls out from the sky

To be even more UNrealistic, I love love:

The Miu Miu Bow Bag

And it costs...*drum roll please*

RM 5600

190% sure I will never own one LOL

#end of bimbotic handbag post#

please blame my mind numbingly boring psychiatry textbook for this post

fasting

2010-08-11T19:19:00.002+08:00

Ramadhan is back - time to start fasting & to behave better! less sarcasm and mean comments.

I have just realized that I have NO muslim friends. Okay I'm exaggerating. Well maybe not :(

Usually I buka puasa with Fatin & then we go Tarawih together. The problem is shes in Kudat and I'm in KK. So I'm buka-ing alone. How sad is that!

me again

2010-08-09T21:41:00.001+08:00

FOCUS = ZERO

I really do not know what is wrong with me. I can't focus at all. Every time I read a paragraph or 2 slides, my mind wanders. I kind of feel like I don't have control over it. I have to change activities every 10 minutes. I've had this before but not as bad. Must get it together before the posting exams!!

yellow

2010-08-07T15:30:00.002+08:00

Monas, Jakarta

I'm in one of those moods. I don't really want to talk to anyone. I want to be left alone. I don't want to think of anything. I just want to focus and finish my work. I want to empty my brain of all these thoughts flying around. I want to ignore people instead of being ignored. I want to go off into my own little world and not deal with the real one.

I'm sure there a quite a few mental illness diagnosis in this paragraph but let's just ignore that okay. Good.

AMSC 2010

2010-08-04T00:57:00.001+08:00

I just got back from the Asian Medical Students Conference in Jakarta. I was pretty nervous int he beginning. What if the whole thing was crap? What if I don't meet any nice people? Am I wasting a week of Psychiatry by going? But then I realized that since I was going anyway, a more positive mindset wouldn't hurt. So I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best

It turned out that this conference is one of the highlights of my medical school experience so far. I met a bunch of the most inspiring and fun people ever and had tons of fun. I can't believe it but after just one week together we are all like family.

We even call Gisela (our group head) Mama!!

Leanne (HK), Maxxie (Korea) & Me doing the

'Bo Peep' pose -- yes thats K-Pop!

Inge, Leanne, Carmen

Aren't they just so very pretty?

Our group 13 >

I already miss all of them :(

YIkes

2010-07-20T01:26:00.001+08:00

The lady in the picture is dressed in a traditional Bajau outfit. I do not know how I got myself into this but I will be wearing that outfit. But wait, it gets better, mine is RED and I will be dancing in front of hundreds of people in it. *faints*

I saw a video of the rehearsal and I look like a mad galloping pony who just got shot in the leg.

I suspect the psychological trauma will amount to many years in therapy. Especially when everyone sees the video. Note to self: destroy all video evidence of the performance.

Crappy week

2010-07-14T19:22:00.003+08:00

This week has been ridiculous!

It's the first week of psychiatry posting.
I got really sick - fever, runny nose, headaches and all. I actually got medication from a mental hospital pharmacy. I only took antibiotics and PCM but still weird.

My car's fuel lid won't open - apparently the cable putus & the don't have a freaking single stupid cable in the whole freaking state. Which means I have to wait 2 weeks to get one shipped from KL. *faints*
Yes I look like a crazy person opening the fuel lid with a screwdriver!

Does this not happen to anyone else?

Oh yeah I forgot, the bank ran out of ATM cards - yes the entire city didn't have a single plasic card to spare & I've been peniless until today when I finally got the damn thing. And it's the bank account my scholarship goes too.

My laptop - yes the one with the cracked screen - is plotting against me. Currently it's occasionally electrocuting me, only recognises USB devices when it feels like it & does not want to connect to wifi at ALL! I think all my threats of replacing it with a MacBook has made it mad at me LOL. I have a report due next week! How ni?

And I'm missing one whole week of psy cos I'm going to a conference in Jakarta. Must study like crazy now!

Back to the books :(

fingers crossed that my bad luck is over!!

Area 21

2010-07-11T16:43:00.001+08:00

We went to play paintball! The usual people plus my sister (who flew all the way here to play paintball?) and her friend/twin who is from KK. I got hit 3 times. Sakit but worth it.

Had room service that day, its been a long time. Slept 14 hours cos the hotel bed was just too awesome.

Can't believe my sister came all this way and this is all we did.

Can't believe she is leaving for Canada for 6 - 8 years.

Can't believe how fast time flies.

Psychiatry starts tomorrow..

kundasang

2010-07-08T20:39:00.002+08:00

Sometimes LIFE doesn't turn out like you imagined,

but sometimes it turns out even better.

I know all this optimism is freaking you out. And no nothing especially special happened to trigger the optimism. Having the juniors come in this week, it just made me think about the past 3 years here. Sure some parts were awful, but I also have a ton of great memories with an amazing bunch of people who I will love forever. Unless you do something to really piss me off, just kidding! I also think I'm just happy cos my sister is coming. Even though we have a love-hate relationship, currently its more love than hate. So fingers crossed it will be a great weekend :)

Picture from the Kundasang roadtrip -- the first time I went road tripping with 10 guys, definitely crazy but so very fun!

rafa!!

2010-07-04T23:37:00.001+08:00

two-time Wimbledon Champion : Rafael Nadal

happy giler woot woot

more district

2010-07-04T20:57:00.001+08:00

sunset from a random beach in Kudat, taken as I was walking pass this stick - no idea the pic would turn out like this!

two barbeques in three weeks - cannot look at another hot dog!

face = priceless

sunburn after three consecutive days at the beach

district hospital posting

2010-07-04T18:11:00.000+08:00

pictures from Kudat

cake

2010-06-20T18:33:00.001+08:00

The best birthday cake ever! and to get it while im in Kudat is freakking amazing. Feel so blessed to have family and friends that love me this much. I feel the love!!

Everyone just put so much effort into everything. I'm so happy and overwhelmed :)

Alhamdullilah

happyhappyjoyjoy

2010-06-18T19:49:00.002+08:00

Wireless is back on! Thank God.

Today has got to be the most "surgical" of this posting.

The surgeon from KK with and MO came to Kudat Hospital & had 9 scheduled surgeries - hernias, breast lump excision etc. And of course I was the most excited person. I even slept early yesterday in preparation for standing in the OT. Or maybe it was cos I was too lazy to study..hehe.

Anyways, I got to assist which I LOVE!!! <3>

It finished late so no lunch for me & straight to Paed's class.

And when I got back, more happyhappy news! I got accepted to Alexandra Hosp, Singapore to do SURGERY :)

Happy giler. Please God let me be a surgeon. Amin

wind

2010-06-14T18:58:00.002+08:00

I went running (ahem jogging) with a few friends today. I forgot I have asthma. I forgot jogging is one of the worst things I can do. So I started to jog.

I had a flashback, being 8 years old, in the playground & everyone is playing football. I used to play with them everyday. Then winter came and one day I just couldn't. I remember feeling stupid and angry sitting on the bench.

Thats how I felt while I was jogging. Angry that I couldn't keep up and thinking about how stupid I must look to them. Of course, they were nice and kept by my side. Which made me even more angry at myself. So in conclusion I'm super jealous of people with perfectly working lungs.

Love your lungs, people.

I Cant Wait To Go Grey

2010-06-08T20:09:00.001+08:00

Life is hmmm, don't know what to say. I'm going to be a year older soon. Sad that I still am not good anything. They say the first 10,000 pictures you take will be crap. Hope this doesn't ONLY apply to me. I'm still a procrastinator. I still freak out when I have to present at bedside teaching, eventhough its like the millionth time. I still don't know how to play the guitar properly. I have terrible taste in music. I have ZERO patience. Bleghhh!! And judging from this post, I'm definately not an optimist. HAHA. Give up!

Oh an hour ago, some stupid flying insect bit my forearm. Sakit gila! And it started swelling & being all arythematous . And I started freaking out cos we were just told how our lecturer nearly died from anaphylaxis. Well you know nothing bad happened cos I'm still typing this but.. and I'm asthmatic - higher risk ok!

Okay im rambling, kthnxbai.

I Do

2010-06-06T17:47:00.003+08:00

Went to my classmates wedding just now. He's from Terengganu and his wife (that felt weird even to type) is from Sabah. They wore green. And she wore a tiara. Its the first wedding I've been to that was someone I know, my age even. My first wedding in Sabah. We were all happy for him. And at the same time we were all feeling pretty freaked out. MARRIAGE wei!

Maybe everyone has serious commitment issues. Haha. Wonder who's gonna be next? God please let me not be last, dekat dengan last pun okay but not dead last. Thank you.

Picture updates coming soon.

365 day Journey

2010-05-31T02:25:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday roomie :)

i like vanilla

2010-05-29T13:03:00.006+08:00

you think you know your REAL friends are.

people who know you like vanilla ice cream over chocolate.

people who know the name of you first goldfish.

people who you have shared your fears and nightmares with

but sometimes you find out that

these people aren't really your friends at all

if you were to find yourself in trouble

are these people going to be standing there next to you?

or do they only seem to be around for the good times

when THEY have something to gain

and then sometimes you find out that some people

people you thought were mere acquaintances

people who you don't categorize under 'friends'

those are the people that will rescue you when your car won't start

when you've lost your keys & have no money on you

and it just started to rain

doesn't it make you wonder, at the end of the day

who your REAL friends are?

The Beach

2010-05-27T22:56:00.000+08:00

Bak Bak Beach, Kudat

Where else can you have an entire beach to yourselves?

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy

2010-05-17T21:47:00.002+08:00

As I got off the plane yesterday, I felt strangely optimistic. Like the 4th year of being a medical student would be better than the last. That I would miraculously stop being a procrastinator and that things would actually be easy.

Well now I think that moment of optimism was just nonsense. Probably cooked up by my brain to stop me from getting on the next flight home. The last 24 hours since I got off that flight has been exactly the opposite of easy.

First, I sprained my shoulder lugging my stupid books to the 4th floor. After exactly 4 hours of sleep, I made it to clinical block and received a long speech. The take home message of this speech was simple - fourth year is going to be tough, it's a step up or something along those lines. Who told me it was a honeymoon year? Blegh!

Tiba - tiba I was told I had to move to Kudat (3 hours away) for District Hospital Posting by Wednesday morning. Could it get any worst? The answer would be hell ya!

I've also been applying for my electives and ran to the bank at lunch to get a bank draft. The guy printed 3 cheques before he got the spelling right. St Geogre's, uni og Londan!! I did make it to Forensic lectures, yes lectures on the first day. YIKES. I won't lie, I did feel really queasy at some points.

Then it started raining and after just 1 hour, the entire Clinical Block was flooded! We had to be put on the back of a lecturer's 4 wheel drive and trucked out to the main road cos the water was waist high. We were walking to our cars kaki ayam with rolled up pants.

And to top it all off, I came back to a cracked laptop screen. At least dia dekat tepi and I can still see 95% of my screen. So after doing 3 loads of "emergency laundry", (I thought I had time okay - manalah tahu have to move on Wednesday ) I'm exhausted and hoping for better luck tomorrow. Finger's crossed.

Mahu pergi tengok Glee :)

love is dead

2010-05-02T17:26:00.000+08:00

http://iwillbecauseican.tumblr.com/

:)

2010-04-25T18:06:00.000+08:00

true

2010-04-25T16:52:00.003+08:00

from one of my fav bloggers, http://www.thenotebookdoodles.com/

me want

2010-04-23T09:43:00.001+08:00

How cute are these barney cupcakes!

Is it weird if a 22 year old get these? Haha

wise words

2010-04-17T12:15:00.001+08:00

"A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesnt believe, and leaves before she is left."

Marilyn Monroe

Melaka town II

2010-04-12T20:45:00.003+08:00

I have been to Melaka countless times but have never actually walked into those tiny alleys and into each touristy shop. I'm glad I did though. We got to talk to this guy that designed every single t-shirt in his store and his designs are so original. I bought one with a dragon on it, it represents the year of the dragon. And I drove to Batu Pahat in the middle of the night, which is a first.

Melaka Town

2010-04-12T20:41:00.000+08:00

Melaka town
Spent 3 hours shopping in jonker street, bought nunchucks & a bow and arrow

Cameron

2010-03-30T11:11:00.002+08:00

Family time in Cameron Highlands.

I was really surprised that it was pretty chilly 16 degrees in the mornings.

Must go back for the broccoli goreng.

Redang III

2010-03-25T15:14:00.001+08:00

Redang Island

Stayed at the Laguna Beach Resort, it was so beautiful.

I definitely did not expect it to be so idyllic.

Redang II

2010-03-22T21:15:00.001+08:00

Redang Island

Its a funny family picture cos my Dad can't swim and he's petrified of water.

He's the one on the left.

Redang

2010-03-21T21:16:00.004+08:00

Redang Island

First snorkeling trip ever. I didn't think I was the 'snorkelling type', okay if that even exists - but it was amazing. well the salt water in your nose part wasn't but the coral was.

I did lose my snorkel on this dive cause I'm even careless when I'm in the ocean which cut my dive short but I had enough salt water in my sinuses by then.

Kionsom Waterfall

2010-03-19T09:06:00.000+08:00

Kionsom waterfall, Inanam
freezing cold water

Twilight

2010-03-18T18:45:00.003+08:00

I need to talk to you. You see I'm having what seems to be a terrible day.

I know that the second we start talking, I'll be okay again.

I need to hear you say that it will all be okay.

I need you to distract me with some random fact about penguins cos you know I'll be listening.

I know that you'll always have my back.

And you'll calm me down when I'm hysterical.

I know you don't bolt when you see me cry - which is pretty often.

And I know that you're just a phone call away.

But I still miss you.

Padas Rafting

2010-03-17T06:52:00.001+08:00

I definately had my doubts about doing this when I saw the river due to my lack of upper body strenght and zero swimming skills but this was such a rush.

Everyone who goes to Sabah should do this, I think I'm going to do it again :)

Sure its a 3 hour journey from Kota Kinabalu and your totally wiped out by the end of it but GO!

Sabah IV

2010-03-15T13:02:00.002+08:00

I went to meet up with my foster family, my foster father had just passed away a few weeks back. It was just horrible to see this happy family in such a bad state. Suffice to say I was having a bad day.

I wanted to go the beach to take sunset pictures and Eunice being the awesome friend that she is followed me. We just sitting there on the beach when this whole group of people were kayaking. She used her puppy dog eyes and voila! we got to kayak for free.

Sabah III

2010-03-15T12:57:00.001+08:00

Sabah II

2010-03-14T05:56:00.001+08:00

Sabah

2010-03-14T05:27:00.002+08:00

It was such a beautiful day. I hung out with Yen Sin and we walked the entire lenght of the beach. We just talked while I snapped away.

Kelapa

2010-03-11T20:35:00.000+08:00

Exam's are over. Results are tomorrow. Tired

God Make It End

2010-03-09T11:45:00.002+08:00

The exams, not my life.

I knew this would suck, but I didn't know it would be this bad!

Its the 2nd day of exams, 2 more to go

I've realised that I'm an idiot that doesn't know much of anything

I just want it to end, and by some miracle -- to pass!

Well the results will be out soon enough, on Friday.

Had OSPE today, I smell like the cadaver - formalin yuck!

Going to bathe and contemplate my future and fall into a deep depression.

Who knew 1 week could feel like forever?

bruschetta

2010-03-05T09:24:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning with the biggest headache - i suspect a stress headache.

I always get them when the exams are near, well BIG exams anyway.

And all I want right now is: eggs benedict + bruschetta + banoffee pie for dessert

note to self: go home and eat all of the above.

I don't understand why eggs benedict is not on everyones breakfast menu. They are ah-ma-zing

eggy goodness!

Padas

2010-03-01T00:50:00.001+08:00

Can't believe I'm going to do this soon...scary!!

wisdom

2010-03-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." Steve Jobs

"It is so easy to waste our lives: our days, our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of the azaleas, the sheen of the limestone on Fifth Avenue, the color of our kid's eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of live. "
Anna Quindlen

blue skies

2010-02-26T18:38:00.001+08:00

Time for a new adventure - roadtrip!
Now I just have to figure out where to go and who to go with :)

From 'Frasier',

" Oh, will you please be civil?"

"Alright but I refuse to be warm"

stressed = desserts

2010-02-22T19:31:00.003+08:00

Gosh, please let these next few weeks be as painless as possible!

back to reality

2010-02-18T21:43:00.002+08:00

I just got off the plane. Now - back in the dorm room.

This sucks on so many levels, 2 more years of this!! Cepatlah..already my contribution to global warming from all the flying is horrendous.

Locked out of my room - I think I'm wearing flip flops to class with a lab coat.

I don't know what will be more embarrassing, getting scolded for it or explaining that I got locked out and have elephant feet so I can't borrow shoes??

My car is so dirty it looks like it just braved through a freak sand storm.

But I can't clean it, since the car keys are in the room.

Someone wrote in the dirt (yes dirt!) to ask me to wash my car..boo!

Need my Ipod and yes it is also in the room.

The only thing I'm not missing is the pile of laundry sitting in my room.

Going to listen to Glee and make myself feel better.

Gleek :)

boo

2010-02-15T17:24:00.001+08:00

isn't it nice when people suprise you?

you think you've got the person all worked out, then bam!

they do the opposite & you can't help but smile.

isn't it horrible when people don't change,

no matter how hard you wish that they would,

they don't & you just end up disappointed.

in the end, is it they're fault for not changing or yours for wishing it in the first place?

walk through the woods

2010-02-15T17:08:00.002+08:00

it was a nice, calm evening trek through the rainforest

we were kinda lost, but no one seemed to care

the sun was setting and we were all just happy

it didn't seem like much but definitely something I'll remember for a long time.

im home, well soon enough

2010-02-01T10:12:00.002+08:00

Drove 6 hours yesterday and now i'm back in KK..woot woot

Big hug to wengloon for being the best roadtrip buddy ever.

surviving my non-stop rambling and hazardous driving is no small feat!

Waking up in my room, with the soft orange glow from my ugly curtains is bliss.

Even better, waking up tomorrow to get on the plane HOME :)

night out

2010-01-28T02:53:00.000+08:00

new years

2010-01-27T12:06:00.000+08:00

mosters

2010-01-26T21:32:00.001+08:00

i dont know what they were doing

gitarre

2010-01-26T21:16:00.002+08:00

post clinical exam guitar session

Doomsday

2010-01-21T22:34:00.001+08:00

Courage the Cowardly Dog - classic!

Canon vs Nikon

2010-01-20T13:13:00.000+08:00

This made me laugh :D

light

2010-01-19T21:14:00.003+08:00

Grey's 6.03

2010-01-19T17:30:00.001+08:00

Yang on Pead's rotation:

"I'm Mr Bear" in a scary voice

kelakar giler :D

still

2010-01-18T15:39:00.001+08:00

I didn't know you still hate me for something I didn't even do.

I never wanted him anyway.

Please get over it, its sad.

Peace.

Time Traveller's WIfe

2010-01-17T00:18:00.004+08:00

Just finished reading The Time Traveller's Wife. I think the entire concept is really interesting. Time travelling has been done to death, but I guess this shows a more human side of it. It would be so distressing to keep shifting back and forth in your life. And showing up there naked probably doesn't help either. Some parts of this book are amazing, you really feel for the characters.

I also watched the movie after I read the book and was pleasantly surprised. Movie adaptations don't usually turn out well. Rachel McAdams was excellent!

The worst part about finishing a book you enjoyed reading - finding the next book!

im a creep & ure a weirdo?

2010-01-14T18:05:00.002+08:00

Pre-exam stress song, don't ask me why.

Bila lah nak balik rumah ni wei.

Tired of going to hospital, clerking, presenting, clinic, OT, on call.

I know I shouldn't be complaining since I'm definately not one of the rajin ones, but still...

But the exams is in a week, then I get to balik. Well it's actually for study week but lets forget that for a second.

Random thought: I hope I don't turn into one of those moody doctors.

I took a facebook (ehem, lame I know) quiz titled " What mental disorder are you?"

Menarik kan? , I know you all are checking on facebook..not!

It said I'm bipolar, or to put it nicely, moody.

Which I completely agree with.

Susah lar macam ni.

Anyways, I've been listening to Oasis, Nirvana & Radiohead non-stop this whole week.

It got kinda annoying actually, trying to clerk a breast cancer patient while "I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoooo" is playing in my head.

Note to self: find happier songs :)

Guten nacht

potraits

2010-01-11T23:00:00.002+08:00

as random as random gets

2010-01-11T20:26:00.003+08:00

picture of random pak cik standing on the jetty

Eunice: Ada movie baru tak?

Me: Saya tak tengok movie, saya study jer. *in budak baik voice*

Eunice: Sepak kan baru tahu!

I love my roomie :)

cupppcakes

2010-01-09T14:28:00.003+08:00

What we did this afternoon: Makan ketam, yum!

Weather was perrrfect. We look so sporty cos we just came back from futsal!

I MISS my muses

Dee made me cupcakes :)

Fringe

2009-10-02T23:22:00.002+08:00

Go watch Fringe!

its awesome, its by JJ Abrahms

(for those non geeks - LOST and star trek movie guy)

Nakk

2009-09-22T14:31:00.003+08:00

Its the new Nikon D3000 and I think it might be just right for me. Entry-level DSLR, reviews about picture quality have been good, no movie mode - which i wont use anyway, the price is pretty good too.

Problem is I'm broke. I'm sick of my point and shoot. Damn.

covers <3

2009-09-07T09:48:00.004+08:00

when my two favourite bands collide.

wayyyy better than the original!

just plain weird

snow patrol read my mind! i love this song but way too upbeat, this version is perfect.

I'm Here

2009-09-01T21:39:00.006+08:00

I want to help, but I don't know how.

I know how it felt. Like the world suddenly tipped over and you feel so alone.

You walk around with it playing over and over in your head.

Noone around you knows.

There are times when you just want to scream it out but most of the time the words never come out. You don't want people to look at you that way or burden them with your troubles.

I remember how it felt. It was the loneliest time of my life.

To think that you might be going through the same thing hurts me.

I do not want you to feel the same cycles of pain, then numbness, helplessness and anger.

I don't wish it upon anyone, not even my enemies.

Your mind tries to comprehend it, but its just too much to take.

You have to be strong but you just feel like crying.

Then you feel sad for the person you love.

You wish you can take the burden from them but you can't.

Mostly you just feel trapped by the situation.

I want to say it gets better, but I don't really believe that.

All I can say is, I'm here for whatever you need. Anything. Anytime.

To talk. to not to talk, its up to you.

Selamat Hari Merdeka

2009-08-31T05:29:00.004+08:00

Happy Merdeka Day!

Spent this Merdeka Eve a little differently than usual. I helped deliver 3 Merdeka babies :)

Cats and Dogs

2009-08-30T12:02:00.006+08:00

Random picture that reminds me of me and my sister:

Quote of the week:

Obsessed with all things Owl-related:

Forever 21

LOVE <3:

Fell in love with Dug, the talking dog from UP

*end of random post*

On Replay

2009-08-28T00:33:00.002+08:00

This song by Hujan is awesome - such a simple and mellow song with great lyrics.

Initially wanted to write this is Malay but my language skills are comparable to a Std 1 student - as in written, expressive Malay, not the everyday "Dah makan?" kinda thing. Sedihlar macam ni, ok saya akan bercakap dalam bahasa Melayu setiap hari..haha.

Its Been One Of Those Days

2009-08-27T19:32:00.006+08:00

I guess having the two people that I do everything with (including live with!) gone really bothered me.

Well the first 2 weeks, I was in a numb, zombie-like state and sleeping a lot - always a bad sign!

Then I was all anxiety ridden (just generally feeling overwhelmed and noone to tell me to breathe) which resulted in insomnia for a week. Even thought of chugging down cough syrup

Now I'm back to being numb.

I like numb better cos I get to sleeepp.

I had one of those sad days.

I opened my eyes this morning and felt so sad it's a miracle that I could get myself to class.

You know the ones where everything goes kinda wrong and you feel really bad at the end of the day.

I don't know.

It keeps replaying over-and-over in my head.

Still trying to figure out where it went wrong.

But of course, noone knows what's going on with me - not that I think they would care. I smile while trying to convince myself that everythings okay.

I just want to get the exams over with.

I want to go home.

I want to be with people that actually give a shit about me.

I'm exhausted of studying, being here, dealing with the people around me.

Actually I dont like people all that much, I think I'm gonna end up one of those recluse old ladies with 20 cats (but I'm allergic, so maybe tons of fish?!) Okay, the cats sounded better.

Random pic: Lady Gaga + Muppets = Awesome

Awesome!

2009-07-27T15:22:00.003+08:00

I went to the labour room and the first thing I heard was

"No more deliveries, kalau mahu tengok orang sudah bersalin adalah"

So I wandered around and me and Wong clerked a patient.

By the time we returned there were 2 people in the labour room so we stood around and waited.

We heard the nurse shouting for medical students and I bolted but by the time we got to the door I heard the baby crying!

So we rushed back to the previous room and heard more crying....2nd missed delivery in 3 minutes!

Then we rushed to the 3rd room and heard the loud cries of another newborn.

To say we were depressed was an understatement. Even the nurses started laughing at our bad luck. We missed three deliveries in a row..I think it must be a record.

Luckily another lady came in and I stood right by her bed - not wanting to miss any more action.

I quickly wore the gloves and apron and listened to the nurse for instructions.

I was freaking out. I had watched deliveries before but to actually participate was nerve-wrecking.

I had to cross to the other side of the bed and I knocked my head on the lamp. At that point I didn't even register the pain. I put my hand in position and the baby's head was pushing against it, ready to enter the world. The head suddenly appeared and it was facing me. I was in complete shock. I gathered my thoughts and as the nurse held on to the baby's body and delivered the first shoulder, I held on to the back and bottom.

We layed the baby down and it started crying - good sign! After some suction, I clamped down the cord and cut it. Its much tougher than i thought. The nurse passed the baby boy to the Mom and finished up the delivery as well as the repair.

I then went to wash up all the equiptment and went to see how the mother and child were doing. The baby was beautiful. Thanks to the extremely nice and experienced nurse, my first experience was unforgettable.

I bumped into the parents and the baby today. I can't believe I helped deliver him. It is completely surreal.

Shun Out From The Colony

2009-07-18T00:25:00.005+08:00

Tonight was perfect.

It was all of us - laughing our heads off.

A perfect sendoff.

These are the people that make me laugh everyday, don't mind that I always lose my stuff, buy me an ice-cream just to make me smile, tell me everythings okay, teman me anywhere, anytime, tolerate my sarcasm and share all that they have with me.

Tomorrow my room will be empty - just me and my four walls. They're leaving bright and early. I'm going to miss you guys - hopefully 2 months will whiz past.

listening to: Zee Avi - Honeybee

Linger

2009-06-20T23:40:00.004+08:00

Breaks over..boo!

Sudah masuk 3rd year: wake up, go to hospital, meet patients, feel useless cos everyone (specialists, MO, HO, nurses) are more knowledgeable than you. Basically we just take up space and annoy people with our endless questions. Letih. Sakit kaki. Balik bilik. 10.30 and I'm in bed.

But its fun too cos you get to talk to patients and examine them..hehe actually use the stethoscope!

I miss holidays!

The recap: Went to Yogyakarta, Genting, Melaka, Singapore, Port Dickson, my Bday :)

Pics at: http://imayellowcrayon.fotopages.com/

Lambat lah nak upload here :(

Nerds Rock

2009-04-07T21:52:00.002+08:00

Its exam week, 2 papers down, 2 to go.

All I talk about is exams. I'm such a nerd, seriously.

I love National Geographic.

Just found out that my Dad has an extensive collection spanning a couple of decades at least. I wonder if all this nerdiness is hereditary.

I want a tee shirt with the periodic table on it.

When I want to relax, I watch either Grey's anatomy or House (read: both medico related)

Oh yea and I google the terms I don't understand.

This list could take days. Not that I have to prove to anyone that I'm a nerd. I think it is pretty obvious.

I miss my friends. I miss the eating, talking crap, laughing at crap.

Exams = solitary confinement

Please please please GOD please let me pass.

Amin.

Im A Screw Up

2009-03-28T00:53:00.004+08:00

Yup yup, there really is no denying what a screw up I am.

I had the test at 2pm. I had read the material though not THAT thoroughly since I ran out of time. But I didn't think I was that screwed. Or maybe its just my misplaced optimism. Blegh.

So to cut a long and painful story short, I screwed up a couple (read: multiple) questions due to just confusing something with something else and other silly mistakes which I should have not done.

On the bright side, this will motivate me to kick ass in the finals to save my depressingly low CGPA.

Bye bye Dean's list if I screw this up.

There has been progress towards this goal, not just cakap kosong sahaja! I went to look at histopathology slides til 30 mins ago :)

Oh and I managed to squeeze in watching Confessions of A Shopaholic - after the exam, before the review session. It was fun & I have to admit I laughed out loud during some parts.

I think Isla Fisher (I think its her) was so believable and naive. It made her seem endearing.

Will try to stop thinking about my many failure and focus of future successes.

My brain hurts.

Where did the time go?

2009-03-23T15:24:00.006+08:00

I didn't realize it, or I sub-conciously did but didn't accept it. Who knows

The reality is its the last week of classes for 2nd year.

Where did the time go? I cannot believe its been two years.

I have a test coming up on Friday. Im not freaking out which makes me wonder why.

Then its one week at home for study week, 2-3 weeks of exams.

Please please let me pass so I can have 4 weeks of break to do whatever I want.

Though I think I will be at home revising anatomy and using my little brother as a mannequin to practice clinical skills. Oh and buying clinical books.

SCRATCH THAT: just found that there will be 2 whole weeks before the Arb exam. That means I only get 2 weeks at home & I will be driving myself crazy in my room for 2 weeks. May take a trip to Sarawak or something. I hate the stupid-annoying-meyusahkan orang schedule.

Going to 3rd year is scarrryy. No more 8-5 classses. No more pingpong (well hopefully theres a pingpong table). Scary clinicians. Being the bottom of the food chain at the hospital. Moving to Sandakan. Not being with all 70 of my classmates as we will be in 3 groups.

I bought 3 cartons of juice. Im not sure why. I was supposed to buy lunch, that didnt happen. Song obsessions: LES YEUX OUVERTS - ENZO ENZO & Garota de Ipanema Tom Jobim Vinicius de Moraes (Legendado) in Portugese :)

Annual Dinner

2009-03-22T09:59:00.001+08:00

Annual Dinner at Nexus Karambunai Ballroom

Flashback

2009-03-06T14:01:00.007+08:00

Just chanched upon my previous blog.

It was sometime after Pasum and just starting here in Sabah.

I don't even know that person is anymore, I was happy & excited about everything.

Tika's Bday party in 07

Note to self: must find optimistic self once again & get rid of jaded moody self.

A Fragile Design

2009-03-05T23:45:00.003+08:00

Its interesting how you love to do something but one day you just stop.

Not for any paticular reason. You just stop.

I love playing futsal, but I stopped.

The tournament is coming up. Everyone's psyched to improve on our performance last year.

Nombor dua :p

Cassie's awesome bandmate coached us!

I'm bummed that I don't get to play.

I'll be at home for the 'engagement'

If I knew it was THAT weekend I would have taken a morning flight..boo!

Anyways, practice was fun fun fun.

Just came back from the guy's football match.

The lost 2-1. Tapi takpe, like coach said "Asalkan enjoy ok sudah!"

I screamed from the sidelines for 2 hours :D

Some random quiz:

Some of it is really true. No need to elaborate which parts.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Love Is All You Need

2009-03-01T18:34:00.000+08:00

Is this good or bad?

2009-02-28T17:54:00.002+08:00

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle

But you do get along with both sexes.

You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.

You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

poem

2009-02-22T14:20:00.000+08:00

* i dont own this poem, i just thought it was good.

You have changed?

by Steven Beesley

I search in vain,
cannot find the root.
Where it is that this
transformation has come from?

Why has it come about, what does it feed on?
Tell me what it is that torments?
What pain gestates in your very soul,
for you to be vexed and lash out.

Once we were close, like two sides of a coin.
So close where words had no ground.
Today I am lucky if you still call me friend.
The cold reaching my very bones.

The silence speaks volumes
of a departing union,
but gives me no reason for relief.
A slab of ice between us that needs shattering!

Surely a word or two to
each other would help, help
us both overcome whatever
there needs to be addressed.

I surely wish that you would
at least redress the issues,
for which I am truly at a loss;
wanting only reparation for a friendship now sadly lost.

V-Day

2009-02-15T16:38:00.004+08:00

classmates & juniors

A bunch of us went out for drinks & later lepak-ed at the beach :)

DUm Dum dum

2009-02-12T20:38:00.003+08:00

from the Shoplifters

I'm bored, well I should be studying but you know how that goes :p

Right now, I love this site chictopia.

And my moccasin boots just arrived at home, my Mom calls them 'Pocahontas boots'. I admit they were an impulse buy, but they were just too cute. I'll wear them, promise.

I want to go back to where the leaves change colour, people discuss the weather on a daily basis, its so cold that your face goes numb. And I get to wear my boots everyday. With cute blazers, and layering vests and dresses over tights.

Okay I sound extremely ditsy. Should stop now.

Me, Me, Me

2009-02-04T21:47:00.005+08:00

"It's all about ME & dont you forget it!"

Why do people only think about themselves & not about how they menyusahkan orang lain?

Yes I'm talking to you! Fine, give me your crappy excuses and back out - cos its all about you.

Obviously your word is worth nothing

Just cos you look like that doesnt mean anything

And that sedih voice doesnt work on me

Not ever.

____________________________________________________________________

On a totally unrelated note,

I've decided

Its time for me to change!

into what? u think i know?

well, we'll see.

CNY Holiday Pics

Movie with Shahira, Her Bday Lunch, Syaz Bday Dinner, My Future Brother-in-Law

Tasnim + the BMW (which still has that leathery smell) = memories :)

I Want To Sleep!

2009-02-04T01:16:00.004+08:00

Buka mata

Tertidur

Buka mata attempt #2

Go to class

Forget lab coat

Detour back to bilik

Lab

which is MY fav class since I get to look at slides -colour colour -chat wif my people

Lunch

Group discussion

Trip to the Hosp

To get stuff for Saturday

Straight to Arab class

Meeting

Writing this

I'm tired but I can't sleep

one sheep two sheep three sheep

reminds me of the sesame street episode where Ernie cant sleep and bert asks him to count sheep. hmm..wait what happens next?

oh well, something happens and the room is full of sheep and Bert has to sleep outside. And of course Ernie tertidur.

I need you Bert!

That Was A Week?

2009-01-30T22:36:00.000+08:00

Damn it. The Week is over.
Where did it go?

I did a whole lot of things; i drove to Singapore, ate good food, woke up at noon, watched tv, went out with my friends.

I hate going back.
I wanna be around to hunt for ice-cream makers.
I want to make silly scrapbooks at 3am.
I want to find new restaurants.
I want to talk about our 'issues'
I want to sit in your car and talk about all the things that are bothering me.
I want to take silly pictures & laugh my head off.

But I have to go back.
I'll be back in 6 weeks for one wedding-filled weekend.
And if I pass, Phuket in May.
Finger's crossed.

Epi Is The Batu Api

2009-01-21T19:52:00.003+08:00

Its epidemiology research time!

2 weeks of of journal searching, bickering, writing, re-writing, fights, editing, re-editing, headaches and trying to squeeze studying time.

Blegh!

Exam's on Friday & then Home :)

Effects of two weeks of Hell

Hoppipolla

2009-01-12T12:05:00.005+08:00

Its been raining all morning.

I adore mornings when you wake up to rain, the sun never really does come out.

It slightly dark and gloomy. And even a little chilly - a stretch for this part of the world, but still..

Went to visit my foster parents yesterday. It was good, they always treat us like we're their kids - they get all concerned about us. A little strange but I'm getting used to it.

In the last half an hour, I've been reading random blogs of people my age and medical students blogs. All of this had made me realize that I am an amazing procrastinator ( I deserve an award!), I seem to lack to all elusive 'focus' which is so needed right now.

The next two weeks will be hectic. I have a new module, a test, a group research proposal, medzine stuff and the Post-Conference.

The last two weeks of the new year have flown past. At the risk of sounding deppressed, I think the thing that dissapointed me the most about 08 was myself.

I'm don't really act like myself - here anyway.

I need to learn to say No to commitments - which leads to being over-whelmed with work.

I'm moody, anxiety-prone and oh yeah procrastinate all the time.

This post is getting depressing.

So ignore me & listen to this overly happy song, The Rumble Stripes: Boys and Girls in Love.

I'llBeHomeInTwoWeeks!!!

Read The Link

2009-01-10T17:26:00.010+08:00

Israel Is Committing War Crimes

Hamas's violations are no

justification for Israel's actions

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123154826952369919.html

UN human rights chief accuses Israel of war crimes

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/10/un-human-rights-gaza-zeitoun

Way To Much Crappy Jazz Music

2009-01-10T16:20:00.004+08:00

The post-exam euphoria has ended. Though I can hardly remember it at all since I only had one night of it. It's Saturday and I've been sitting in my local starbucks for the past 5 hours. The uni's wifi is down so there you go.

I'm (attempting) to write a paper on 'Seasonal Affective Disorder' also known as winter blues. The amount of research is overwhelming and the complexity has baffled my tiny brain.

I'm irritated - at the crappy jazz music and myself for putting this off til after the exam. Now I only have today and a small part of tomorrow to write this 3000 word paper. I have made some (probably negligible) progress and I'm tired of this little sofa and the rhythmic Brazilian bongo music playing but I can't leave.

Not until I have a decent outline anyway. There's no way of me finishing this if I return to my room. This is the rational sentence I have been repeating to myself over and over again.

I just learnt that your frontal lobe enables you to do the right thing as opposed to the easy thing. I fear my frontal lobe is losing this battle.

Ok! I'm going to try my absolute hardest to not leave and get this done. Frontal lobe don't fail me now.

rubbish

2009-01-06T20:19:00.003+08:00

My (brit) lecturer said rubbish the other day. I can't remember when I said the word last. Obviously all traces of British-ness are gone. Hah!

Note to self: Must utilize Brit vocab and call someone a 'minger' tomoro. haha.

Haven't posted in forever cos I'm not very consistent in anything. So very quick updates yea:

* Had a lovely Christmas Eve Dinner with my friends, followed by very-christmassy bowling as the guys wore their santa hats the entire time!

* New Year's was fun! I missed my sayangs in KL though.

* I was in a debate & my side won! Thanks to the brilliance of my roomie Eunizer :p

Hmm, I haven't played much ping pong lately. The dreadful exam is on Friday. I'm lost in all the material so no high expectations here.

I am looking forward to get my awesome green converse sneakers though...right after the exam! I'm feeling a tinge of guilt due to my excessive shopping. The worst part of it is I've discovered all these online stores so I've been wasting money from my room. But I did get a bargain vintage clutch and dress which are waiting for me at home.

Oh and my sister is getting married. I'm extremely happy for her. A green & purple wedding it is :)

Cheerio!

Ich mochte schlafen

2008-12-21T13:01:00.003+08:00

Im exhausted.

Yesterday was the annual School of Med Family Day.

This year it was held in Papar, on the beach (where else!)

The entire day was a load of fun.

We swam in the sea, went horseback riding on the beach, the 2nd year girls won the tug of war once again. My back and arms are still in pain :p

We got back to campus and had to rush to Le Meridien for the awards ceremony.

Chee Guan got the top student for Year 1 and my group won for Best Health Promotion which was entirely unexpected.

To top it all off, I had an AMSA meeting this morning to discuss the UMS Post-Conference event next month.

I am going to be a facilitator in charge of a group of students from six local medical schools.

It should be an interesting experience.

Oh and I'm debating on Wednesday; "Stem Cell Theraphy: Hope or Hype" and we are no where near prepared for it.

Now I need to study, toodles.

The Results

2008-12-19T17:32:00.003+08:00

Results are out: I passed! :)

Alhamdulillah.

But the grades aren't that great, well not great at all.

All my brilliant friends did amazing..yay! for them.

I screwed it up pretty badly and my pointer plummeted so I have to do really well on the next one.

Everyone's happy so I don't think I should rain on anyone's parade.

Blegh.

Totally unrelated picture

I Met Taufik Hidayat

2008-12-19T00:18:00.000+08:00

Master's Finals @ Likas Sports Complex